We went a walking

Went for a walk with the girls this morning. The sun was out, we chatted and strolled like, well, a family. It was very nice. Now that my girls have reached an age where we can do this sort of thing I am becoming more convinced that I am just not naturally what you might call a 'baby' person. It was lovely seeing them grow past that bit, but now they are much more like real people and we can do simple things like walk together I feel much more contented.

I have no desire whatsoever to sound as though I am wishing their lives away but now I just need to get to the point where I don't need to accompany them to those things they like to call 'parties'.

More posting please

I promised myself I'd get writing again but am lacking the evening energy.
I hereby promise myself to promise again when I'm feeling a bit more bouncy.
Promise, honest.

Recovering password

It's been so long since I did this that I couldn't even remember my password.

I stopped writing around the time that I started my new job, which is soon to be filed under 'previous experience' (unfortunate as I've rather enjoyed this one, hey ho). I stopped partly because the new job was rather all-consuming, but also because I'd lost my blogging way a little.

Someone said to me that they thought the title was misguiding as I mainly wrote about 'being mum' and hardly ever about 'being me'. But this confused me and set me thinking. The thing is, I am 'mum' now and that's not really a separate part of me to 'me', it simply is who I am. I don't think it would even be fair to say that it is a part of who I am because it creeps into every aspect of my life and affects my entire outlook. Are you following this?

The reasons the blog was started were many, but part of it was that I wanted to force myself to focus on the good things as I dug myself out of a rather large black hole. Like many people on the steep approach to the big 4 - 0 I suppose I was feeling that life hadn't really turned out the way I'd thought it might. I'm sure this doesn't only apply to people finding themselves in the role of single parent, but that particular role does mean that there's not a great deal of time for all this introspection malarkey, nor is there much time for sleep and that can make it all the more difficult to fight off black clouds.

Now I think it is time to start writing again, I just hope I can find something to say that makes you want to read again.

Girls and boys

I looked after an extra four year old child today. That may sound like a mad thing to do but it was a joy. The last ten days or so I have been struggling with a few inner demons, the resurgence of old resentment at my personal situation, disappointment that a faint light I'd glimpsed at the end of the tunnel had been extinguished, etc etc... all very boring and I won't tell or dwell. But taking two 4 year olds to a local country park was just the tonic I needed.

Having two girls I love the chance to find out a little more about how boys work - clearly I didn't spend enough time doing this in my younger days or I wouldn't now be a lone parent (now, now, said I wouldn't dwell).... but I'm glad that my younger child hasn't fully renounced all contact with the opposite sex just yet.

We set off for a walk to the duck pond, fed said ducks and tramped on a little further. We hadn't gone far before little boy spotted a den-like canopy under a low tree.

"We can make our campfire there" he announced. The next half an hour was spent gathering sticks for our 'fire' (no I didn't really light one, obviously), climbing on fallen trees and taking it in turns to be monsters and dragons. All this while my own four year old proudly walked, clambered and stumbled around with a toy dog stuffed under her t-shirt: "I've got a baby in my tummy." (her, not I!).

Eventually I gave in to the boring parental urge to persuade them to walk on a little and the walk round the lake that usually takes half an hour then turned into a manic race lasting roughly three minutes.

We had a lovely time. All thanks to a different perspective for a few hours.

Yawn

Keep having great ideas for things to write about during the day but then when it gets to sit-down time I just want to crawl into bed.... three year old (four at the weekend - gulp) has been getting up nightly pretty much since I started my new job. The combination of those things is making me extremely tired.... and I'm feeling like I'm drowning in my own things to do list again... birthday Friday... party Saturday... no present yet... no time.... aaarrrggghhh!

Bedtime again I think.

Infinity and beyond

I never realised before becoming a parent how quickly the day would come when I could no longer answer my children's questions.

Having foolishly explained the concept of infinity to my six year old after a discussion about really, really big numbers, she then wanted to know whether it was even or odd.

Thanks to the power of google (no they're not sponsoring me!) I can now reveal that as infinity is a concept rather than an actual number it is neither even nor odd.

Hopefully you will sleep better for knowing that, but please don't thank me, thank the joint powers of the mind of a six year old teamed up with the dazzling infinity of this here internet.

Blah blah back sheep

Seem to have lost my momentum a little on the blogosphere. Hope to regain it so will start with a little post and work my way up.

Three year old received a box full of reading-related goodies through Bookstart recently, including a book of nursery rhymes. Always amazes me that no matter how many books with these same rhymes we have, both my girls still love to sit and read them (6 year old) or 'read' them (3 year old).

And I love their own particular take on the rhymes, from three year old's 'blah blah back sheep' to six year old's rock star version of 'Twinkle twinkle' complete with air guitar.... and of course the obligatory: "Your turn now mummy, you know, do it just like a rock star..." Erm, ok then, if you insist.